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We are back in Washington DC this  week for second job interview and doctors appointments.  We have spent the day alone in the house and have not ventured outside since returning from Miami last night.  We usually spend the days alone- just Eliana and me, but today has been a little different. Maybe perhaps because we just returned from Florida where we did not have a moment alone to ourselves and the  house was inundated with family 24/7. Or maybe it's because the silence of the house is making my brain work overtime.  Whatever the reason, today has been particularly hard.
I caved to temptation and opened all the emails from my family that discussed kidney cancers, cancers in general, and the multitude of procedures available out there.  Instead of making me feel better, it actually made me feel worse. I am now filled with uncertainty and all the research left me with more questions than answers.
Unfortunately, I am not much of a believer, so I cannot take comfort on the thought that someone up there has a plan for me. I just hope I can get through this and be able to recall this period with Eliana as just another challenge.

My new plan is to keep my mind positive and stop obsessing with being scared, lonely, and sad is that I am going to do two things: 1) teach myself French and 2) follow the recipes I see on the food network and  cook something gourmet at least twice a week (as long as I have the energy and am not too weak). By the way, I have been feeling unusually tired and feeling more pain than usual- a reason why I need to begin treatment asap.
I know how to cook, but I have always preferred baking over regular cooking. But recently, I have wanted to make more complex roasts, fishes, etc.. so I will take this opportunity in my life to cook things that will somehow bring me comfort. Dont worry, I will post recipes and pictures. I hope I have the strength to keep it up.
I also figured that if I can read Le Monde daily, it shouldnt be that difficult to learn French. Thanks my father's genes, I have an ability to pick up languages rather easily(verbal that is)- with the exception of Russian.. boy was that a total disaster!.
Anyway, today for the first time I actually cried over my condition. It was a good release I think because I had all of anxiety, fear, loneliness, and anger bundled up. I feel much better and writing on my blog helps me as well.
I hope everyone out there is making plans to spend a dashing new years. I am in no mood to celebrate with anyone, so I think we will spend it at home with Dick Clark.

Medical Update

I'm sure several of you are wondering about what is going with my cancer this week. Not too much has changed since the weekend, but here's a brief medical update to catch everyone up to speed. For now, I am doing the preliminary work of finalizing which doctors I will be working with and getting a few more tests done.
On Monday I spoke with a Kidney cancer specialist in Miami that specializes in my type of cancer. He asked that I go for three additional tests: a complete body CT scan to rule out any spread of the cancer anywhere else in the body; some comprehensive blood work to also determine the severity of the cancer; and a sonogram.  With the above three tests, he would be able to better determine the outcome and prognosis of the disease.  Based on the tests thus far, he recommends immunotherapy treatment before any surgery.  The doctor recommends immunotherapy for those patients that are strong enough to withstand the side effects. Apparently the side effects are much worse than chemotherapy or radiation. It appears that immunotherapy is the way to go, but we will not move forward until we get a second opinion and complete the other tests.   The doctor told me that the type of cancer I have is often recurring, so he does not recommend a full removal of the kidney for patients my age. 


We returned to D.C. today in time for my doctors appointment on Thursday, but the insurance company notified me that it only pays for no more than two second opinions, so we are saving the second opinion for our appointment at Johns Hopkins in mid-January. Instead, I have  second interview with a potential employer that I had interviewed right before Xmas. Hopefully that will be the last of my interviews for the time being.
Eliana and I will most likely return to Florida soon to get the tests done there and come back to DC to meet the doctors at Johns Hopkins. Good thing Eliana travels well.. 

Busy Days

I am trying to update my blog via my cell phone instead of my computer. I am in Miami this week spending time with my family and visiting doctors to determine where it would be best for me to undergo my treatments. I purposely left my computer at home so I wouldn't be tempted to spend my time going crazy on the Internet.
What has happened the last week: Eliana is still sick with a pretty nasty cold that keeps her up at night. The flight to Miami worsened her condition, but mom here really needed some TLC from her family.

I have a ton of appointments bs hope that by the new year I will have a plan of attack and some sort of timeline. I feel lethargic and tired, but think it is a combination of everything that has occurred in the last few weeks.

What all the doctors and research have agree on is that the hormones of the pregnancy and what I took to try to conceive accelerated the growth of the tumor. Apparently, if you take hormones to ovulate, you increase your chances of getting some sort of cancer by 60 percent. This all means that I may have still gotten this tumor, but later in life.
Eliana: I wouldn't of changed a single thing. It just means I am younger and with more strength. :-)

Yesterday, I went to get my haircut at Oribe salon in Miami beach.. The hair salon to the stars lol. After spending a small fortune, I think my hair looks pretty cute. Too bad I have to wash my hair because there is no way I can replicate this hairdo at home. I wish I could take the hairdresser home with
me. Ha

I am looking forward to going to the movies on Xmas day- it will be my first outing since the baby was born. Wait, that is not true.. I went out on September 18th to celebrate my friends wedding in dc. Needless to say.. I never thought I would be so excited to go see a movie.

Sent from my iPhone

The Good and the Bad - the Internet!

I stay clear from the internet when it comes to googling anything about my symptoms, illness, etc. I was never much for obsessing over the latest medical blogs or what webmd.com has to say about my wet cough, or the rash behind my hand, etc. So now, it is especially true that I do not and will not do a bit of research regarding anything relating to my kidneys. I will leave the task to my family who have sent me countless links to doctors, hospitals, online groups, etc. lol.

I have to say though that through their research I have found that the two best centers in the country for what I have are: John Hopkins in Baltimore and the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. What is up with the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota? everyone seems to be going there. I visited Minnesota once before and all I have to say that it was: COLD. I have fond memories of Minnesota, so I guess I wouldnt mind spending some time there receiving treatment. Also, the treatment at the Mayo clinic seems to be the least intrusive, using some heat therapy thing to zap tumors.

I am getting ahead of myself though- I still need to meet with the oncologist and several urologist before we decide what treatment to pursue. At the request of my family I am going to see doctors in Miami as well as in Washington DC. Somehow the more doctors I see, the better it will be. :-)

Back to the internet discussion.  The internet is like going shopping at a sample sale: you have to sift through a lot of merchandise that doesnt fit to get to that one outfit or shoe that fits perfectly. Everyone is an expert on the internet. I have learned that by googling home remedies when Eliana was sick.  For example, google: giving baby a bath while sick. What you will find is hysterical: Yes, giving baby a bath while sick is actually good for them; NO, bath for baby makes them sicker; It depends, depending on how you give baby a bath, it may or may not be beneficial. The information is crazy!

So please, no emails about what the latest and greatest treatment.. but please do send links to the latest Louboutin shoes, Marc Jacobs handbags, or miracle beauty treatment. :-)

What a Week Part 2

I had hopes that the doctor would give me good news and that, just like when the doctors told me I could not have a baby, that everything would be fine. Not this time.  The urologist told me that the biopsy was positive for cancer in the kidney. Great.. what timing!. Couldnt I have been diagnosed with this say two years ago when I had no baby? This is how things happen right? when you least expect it? when you really do not need yet another thing to go wrong!.

I left the urologist office with a handful of information and a list of oncologist to contact for next steps, prognosis, and plan of attack. What the urologist did tell me that the likelihood of losing a kidney is high and that due to my age and size of the tumor, that I need to take care of whatever next steps as soon as possible.  The following few hours were a big blur- I kept on taking care of Eliana and worried about her cold. I forgot to mention, but Eliana has a narrow nasal passage and is prone to sinus infection that makes it hard for her to breath when healthy, let alone when sick. I am worried that her infection will get worse and that she will end up in the hospital.  Needless to say, crazy day!

Throughout all of this, I went to two interviews and did my best to block my personal issues and concentrate on knocking the socks of potential employers. I think the interviews went well. Only time will tell.