A house..

I will build myself a house of stones

picked among the finest of the Adrar.

It will be the color of spice:

cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, saffron.

A house like those made by nomads;

built thinking of now,

with no thought for tomorrow,

or permanence.

It will have sharp and uneven edges,

and cracks between the stones

letting in rays of light mixed with dust

in the afternoon heat,

cool air in the evenings

and the very rare morning mist.

From time to time,

I will lean against the front door

and look into the horizon,

letting the wind caress my hair,

thinking of lost moments,

with bare feet dug into the sand,

counting stars against the burning sky.

And when I'm gone,

because my heart can't resist the wind's call,

the house will remain

a playground for goats,

an occasional refuge for herders,

a familiar feature in the landscape.

Time will pass;

my footprints

vanish.

Only a mound of rocks will stand

where happiness

once found me.

Sonia Z. 

Update

Hello all: sorry for not updating sooner. It has been a crazy few weeks. I promise to do a comprehensive update soon. But for now: I had a lot of ups and downs both physically and personally. Eliana and I were also sick so that took a bit of a toll. I also began to work part time and thy has turned out to be quite challenging.
Trying to keep my spirits and energy up. Some days are better than others. I promise not to be on hiatus.

Hope all of you are doing well. It is finally spring!

Sonia A. Zeledon

Hair Loss Part 1

 

"I might look like something out of Star Trek - but I’m winning the fight of my life" Bernie Nolan

I found this interview on youtube. Bernie Nolan spoke about her treatment for breast cancer. Bernie revealed that, like many women choose to do, she shaved her head as her hair started falling out in clumps during chemotherapy. “The thing is, my hair was falling out anyway, and it was all tufts here and tufts there, and it looked worse” she said “I looked like somebody who was really ill – ha! – which I don’t consider myself. And I just thought “Get rid of it,” I’m in charge of this disease, not the disease in charge of me. And I thought I’m taking my hair off, so that’s what I did.”   

I like that attitude! And she is right, it is easier to mourn the loss of hair  in one sharp shock than to do it on a daily basis.  I am clearly not as brave. The last few weeks I have noticed my hair falling out in different places. I barely have any leg hair or hair in most of my body below my neck. The hair on my head has started to thin out and I often see it fall out in clumps.    Bernie you brave to take control in this way.   My friend was going to shave my head and give me a buzz cut last week, but we decided to cut my hair really short instead.  My hairstylist agreed that a lot of my hair had fallen out, but believed that the new haircut would be able to mask the hair loss. 

Bernie also said that hair loss had been traumatic, confessing ‘Initially, when I was first diagnosed in April, I was like hair, schmair, if it has to come off then it comes off, that sort of attitude. But your hair is your femininity and for me it was a big part of who I am actually, my hair, more than my breasts, I’m not a booby woman. But it had to be done and you have to be strong, and it’s a new look, not one that I would choose, but I felt good when I’d done it.’      

Bernie is almost through her treatment and her doctors are pleased with her progress, as the chemotherapy is reducing her tumours. She is the third of her sisters to be diagnosed with cancer within the past 10 years. However, tests have revealed that she is not a carrier of the cancer gene, which she says came as a huge relief to her because of her 11-year-old daughter Erin’s potential risk of contracting the disease.   

I have to say I really admired Bernie watching this interview – she pulled no punches when it came to the brutal reality of chemotherapy and while I usually hate to use that hackneyed phrase of “brave”, I felt she did come across as gutsy and brave. And she is not alone. Right now there are many women out there who are in the same position, who are shaving their heads, making decisions regarding treatment, going to chemo sessions, caring for their families, and getting on with things. It is amazing when you look back on it from the prospective of a few years and see how far you have come. I look back on my own chemotherapy and the  many dark nights of the soul on my own journey, but I can also see how my journey with cancer took my life in new directions and down paths I never would have walked ordinarily.  

I will post pictures of my new hairdo soon. I do miss my long locks.. I had such pretty hair.