Nature vs. Nurture

Being cooped up in my house for countless days has made my brain go on overdrive. Naturally, I have been given a lot of thought about a lot of things.. and watched a lot of movies. If you read my blog regularly, you know that I am currently into foreign films. For the record, I have always been into foreign films, but that is what I seem to watch these days.. Perhaps because I have a desire to go traveling, but am unable to.. or just because I enjoy them.. either way.. I have watched some phenomenal ones. Perhaps I will dedicate a blog post on reviewing all the films I have watched.

Back to my conversations. I had a conversation with a dear friend about nature vs. nurture with regards to children. As many of you know, I have always dreamt of having a big family- a family filled with many kids. The sad reality is that I will probably be unable to have more biological children, but I am very open to adoption. My conversation with my friend discussed the difference between an adopted and biological child. We came to the conclusion that it would depend on the age of the adoption and that you can love your biological child just as much as an adoptive one. I know that some, if not most of you reading this blog may disagree. But I will lay out my experience thus far.
First, I no longer have any recollection of pregnancy or birth. My ten months of pregnancy and the birth of Eliana are a faint memory. My body is back to my pre pregnancy state and the only reminder that I ever had a child is the scar on my belly.
Second, the first 12 weeks of Eliana's life were hard!.. between suffering from hormonal imbalance, post pardum depression (that's for another post), sleepless nights, and feeling like a personal milking machine (You mom's know what I am talking about)- there was not a lot of bonding going on. I loved her, of course, but I loved the child that I was getting to know.. the baby in my arms that depended on me for survival. It felt great to be wanted and needed in a way that no one ever needed me before. But I truly fell in love with her through the daily interactions with her. The first giggle.. first smile...the tugging of my hair.. little everyday things.
The love for the child grows and is not instantaneous. It's through the daily mundane rituals that happen. I feel that you can love a biological and adoptive child the same way if you engage in the same bonding- which is why I feel that if you are able to receive an adoptive child at a young age, you are able to build the same bond and love with no difference.

I know you biologists, psychologists, and anthropologists out there will give me the schlep of biology, but this is just my experience and the experience of my aunts and cousins who have adopted children at a very young age. I have also heard the argument that people like to see their own reflection in their children.. yes, but often these children look nothing like their parents and the personalities are also very different.

The other day at a mom's group I met a woman with her son. he was 10 weeks old. He was beautiful, cheerful- a complete delight. The mom looked enamored by him- she could not stop talking about his milestones and abilities. As I was just about to say that he looked like her, she told us that her son was not breastfed because he was adopted. The interaction of that mother with that baby was absolutely no different than the interactions between any of the other mother's and babies.

In this day in age there are no true traditional families. I guess because all I wanted was to be a mom regardless of how I became one that I look at adoption as such a loving and selfless thing to do.
I am loving being a mother to Eliana and I hope I live a long life to be a witness to her life- but I also hope I have the opportunity to give Eliana siblings- in whatever form them come.

Til next rant..