Happy New Year!

Feliz ano Nuevo. Far gracias a la vida. Enjoy the song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIrGQD84F1g&sns=em

Aren't these the cutest curls ever??

Happy New Years Eve

From my vacation spot to yours!

My babies

Video of my babies. Never a dull moment with the two of them. Eliana's curly hair is a mess. It looks like mufasa from the lion king.. That orange-reddish curly mess. :-). The more it grows, the curlier it gets. She didn't get that from me!
It's the blank fro!

Update

Hello. I hope you all had a great thanksgiving!. Eliana and I are getting ready for the holiday season. Last week I had my 3 month scans and everything looks A-OK! YES!.
I was able to breath again after a few days of total panic. I did not travel to Miami, but had my scans done locally for now. I will head down to Florida soon before going on vacation and will have a conversation with my team of doctors. I am just very relieved and now we wait another 3 months.

Eliana and I have been doing xmas shopping and eating a ton of food. :-) She is such a little musician that her daycare teachers are taking her to the music classes of the 3 year olds because she can follow a tune and beat. I may have a little dancer or musician in my hands.. so long as it is just a habit and not a JOB. lol.  I will post some pictures of her and her new activity table and chair that was bought last weekend. We also went to the tree lighting ceremony, saw the Bergdof holiday displays, went to Philly and saw Elmo while she spent time with grandparents.  All in all, we have had a very good few weeks.

Oh, I cooked thanksgiving dinner and forgot to tell you all about my menu. I did it all myself; A turkey, Purple mashed potatoes, Yukon Potatoes and Poblano Peppers Au gratin (individually sized for each guest), green beans, in a balsamic sauce with almonds and cranberries, fresh and homemade cranberry sauce, cornbread, and rolls. The pies and desserts were made by my sister-in law. Mom, sis, and I stayed up all night and went to midnight madness shopping. I did not purchase much, but sister did a lot of damage.

We are gearing up for my annual Nutcracker obsession. Every since I was little, I have loved the ballet and the Nutcracker. It's my yearly ritual. I love love love ballets and I remember when my dream came true to have the pleasure and luck to attend the Bolshoi theater and see Swan Lake in St. Petersburg, Russia. I will remember that outing so fondly- for the rest of my life. It was a truly a dream come true.
Well, this year, I am unable to zip to St. Petersburg, but will be attending the Matinee showing of The Nutcracker produced by the National Ballet. I am not sure if Eliana will like it very much. I think she will enjoy singing with Elmo production that we will be going to see soon.

Vacation in two weeks to the beach. I an unable to tan due to the medications, but I can be hanging out in a shaded cabana somewhere.

Pictures forthcoming.

till next week.

Happy Thanksgiving To Everyone

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone- friends and family.  What a year this has been for all of us!. So many trials and tribulations; so many changes and so many adjustments. Some for the good and some, well, just a change.
I am taking this week to be thankful for all that I have and  not to think about what I have lost and what I do not have. I cannot change the past and I cannot change or make people do something they dont want to do. All I can do- heck all we can do is move forward and hope for the best.  This past year, Eliana has taught me to live life to the fullest and one day at a time and I try everyday to be a better person for her.

This has been a specially challenging year for me in all respects. I want to thank all of you who have stood by and encouraged me, supported me, and not judged me. I thank all of you that have been my true friends and family. Here is a small shout out to some.
To J: My best friend in the whole world. The person who I have grown with. Have we been through hell and back? and through it all, you have been there as a friend. You truly understand the meaning of unconditional and I am grateful and honored to have you in my life. I know we will be connected until the day we die.
To E: My sister, my other best friend. What would I do without you? You bring me back down to earth when I am crazy, you console me when I need to be consoled and you scold me when I need to be put in place. I am so happy that we are this close.
To M: My bro, we may have many differences in opinion and lifestyles, but I love you very much and I am so happy that we live close and maintain a close relationship. You are very important in my life and I hope to we continue to stay close and connected.
To D: My snooky and dear friend, although our history is an interesting one, we have made it through many battles and wars. Thank you for being there during these crazy times, and even tough you like to keep what you do unnoticed.. I notice.
To A, Y, K, S, N, P, and J: My girls. What would I have done without you when I cried over my hair or my weight, or my nasty nails and no brows. You made me feel beautiful and wonderful. We have all gone through a lot together and I thank you for being my friend. I hope to be as good as a friend to you as you are to me.
To K: My brother from another mother. No  words can express my gratitude to have met you and feel that you are like a brother to me. I hope we can say the same when we re 80 and in a nursing home. ha

Nothing is easy and the road to life is paved with many challenges and every experience helps you understand what is important and how fragile and short our stay in this planet is.

I wish you all a very happy holidays and my next post will be about thanksgiving meal. I am hosting my first thanksgiving in the city and my whole family is coming.

 

Update

Hello everyone:
Happy few days before thanksgiving.

It's been a very hectic few weeks.. heck- few months!. I have been working full time for two months now and it has taken me about that long to get in the groove of things.
My weekdays consists of the following:  ready?

Wake up at 6:30
Eliana wakes up around 6:45- get her from her crib proceed to place her on my bed- play for 5 minutes
6:30-7am- brush teeth, wash face (showers occur in the evening when Eliana goes to bed)
7am- Feed Eliana breakfast.. play
7-7:30 get eliana dressed, get myself dressed..
7:45- Walk out the door- take Eli in carrier with her stuff and mine (yes, I am a mule), take subway, fight with people in the subway walk to daycare
8:30- arrive at daycare, play with Eliana.. leave her things ready.
8:45- Walk to work
9:am- get to work..  work til 5:30-5:45  (if I am lucky get a workout in over lunch time)
5:45-6:00- walk to daycare (or take subway to daycare)
6:00-6:15- pick up eliana- discuss day events with teachers, strap her to my carrier take her things.. walk to metro
6:45- arrive home.. play and unwind for 15 minutes
7-8pm-  feed Eliana dinner, give Eliana bath, play with her, pjs, get her really to bed.. put her to bed
8:30:11- COLLAPSE.. or eat dinner, take shower, pay bills, maybe do a little work, watch trash tv.. go to bed..trying to squeeze in a workout time, but it's been very tough.
 
repeat..

Fun right? lol
and that's when things are running smoothly and we are both feeling well and not tired/sick/ etc.

The weekends are better and I try to find fun activities for us to do.

I know one thing though.. My life is richer and 1000 times happier because she is in my life.. No regrets, just overjoyed.

Tomorrow a special thanksgiving blog about all the blessing and lots of shout outs and thank yous.

scans and my last procedure coming up in the next few weeks.

Have a wonderful day.
 

Post pictures

Hi! I don't or haven't posted pictures of travel- usually just Eli, but I was going through some and found this one.

Ain't it pretty?

Traveling sure is delightful ain't it?
Not spending money going out to eat or going out frees up money for sightseeing if you are into that sort of thing.

Enjoy

Halloween Week Fiasco

So I thought the highlight of Halloween would be Eliana eating chocolate by accident, or Aunt Esther dressing up as a cow with Eli, but of course NOT.
On Tuesday, I got a call from Eliana's daycare saying that she was not feeling well and that they thought she had a tummy ache or constipation. My little one is allergic to so many things and now including milk. Where does she get that? I have no idea bc we dont know too much about all of her hereridary stuff (for obvious reasons).  I diverted, let me get back to the story then will get into Eliana's one million allergies.
So, daycare calls me and I worry because she's in pain and crying and all think that she's super uber constipated and I may have accidentally give her halloween candy, or milk based products or god knows what.
I pick her up from daycare and take her home. Things seem to be fine. Except.. when bathtime comes ELiana screams in pain and starts to grab her elbow and arm and refuses to lift it or even move it. I, of course, thinks her arm is broken and proceed to call my mother, brother, sister, and pediatrician friend. Eliana passes out drinking her bottle and I let her sleep through the night until I assess the situation. As always, I think I am overreacting so I give say to myself that I will give it 24 hours and see how she is doing once she wakes up again.
In the morning, nothing changes. Eliana still refuses to be touched and definitely does not move her left side. I panic. Get dressed and run to the emergency room.
We are used to emergency rooms and are pros at doctors :-)
To make a long story short, after numerous x-rays and hours in the emergency room, the doctor tells us that Eliana had a dislocated elbow and doctor quickly re-locates it. Apparently it is a very normal and common injury among little ones. who knew?!?
The doctor told us that it can happen anytime and she is apparently prone to joint dislocation (I have never had anything dislocated in my life) so first time for me to learn about all of these things.  Her muscles and joints are growing very fast and apparently they become weak and soft and hence can be dislocated rather quickly.

What a scare. She is fine now and I had a very long talk with the director of her daycare to discuss how she should be handled.. (extra gently of course).

Anyway, never a dull moment at the Zeledon household.

Let's hope this week is a quiet one.


 

Happy Halloween and other things

Hello all:

Happy Halloween from my family to yours. Eliana will be trick or treating today and will be wearing her very warm cow outfit (see previous post). She was previously Cinderella, but after getting a hint of what the weather was going to be, we ran to Pottery Barn Kids and bought whatever warm costume was left- hence the Cow costume.

Everything else is going great. I have a new JOB as I mentioned before. I am now working at LivingSocial and I absolutely love it. The best place ever. I wear jeans to work, there is endless amounts of food, and the work is very interesting and I have lots and lots of responsibilities. The hours are extreamly flexible and since it's an internet start -up, I can work from home lots. PERFECTION. I hope I dont jinx it.. this is a great gig.. benefits are amazing, hours are great, I am working on compliance and regulatory global work. In all, perfect set up. Too good to be true!. Pinch me please.

Eliana has been in her new daycare for a month now and she finally does not cry when I drop her off. Today was the first day that she did not cry!! She gave me a sad face, but no screams or tears. THANK GOD! FINALLY!.

Healthwise- I have a mammogram scheduled for November 18th- I have a lot of pain on my left boob and hoping that it's a clogged something or other and nothing bad.. my hormones are still crazy so I am hoping it has something to do with hormonal imbalance. Everyday I feel as if I have more and more energy so the meds are leaving my system. My last procedure is scheduled for early december and scans right before the holidays. I cannot believe it has been a year.
What a year- I must say.

Eli and I are also heading to Disneyworld with the family during the holidays-only for a few days.  Mom and dad are coming up for thanksgiving so I am in charge of thanksgiving feast this year at my house. I am going to go all out (of course) and I will post pictures of my ridiculous endevour.

That's all for now. Will post pictures of trick or treating tomorrow.

Feliz dia de los Muertos too!..
 

Happy Halloween Everyone

From my home to yours- wish you a very scary and safe Halloween. :-)

Happy Early Halloween!

This is eliana trying out her Halloween costume. Today we are heading to the Zoo for early trick or treating

Fun with the family

Over the weekend we went upstate to a pinpoint farm, corn maze, cider galore fear. Sister Esther joined us and we had a blast going on hay rides. Doing our best to enjoy nice fall weather. Eliana is still sick from our adventures the last few weeks, but she was feeling much better.

I am now sick and not having fun. Too much traveling and running around.

Update

Hello everyone. Sorry I have not been posting as often as I should, but there is something wrong with my Iphone and it is not allowing me to post to blogger. :-(. I hope I can fix the problem, as you all know I do most of my blogging on my iphone while I run around with Eli.

Eli and I are trying to adjust to our new schedule, places, and work. Let me tell you, it is very hard to deal with a toddler and a full time job without much family for help. It is quite an undertaking.

The last two weeks were challenging. Eliana caught a nasty gastroenteritis (or what the doctor told us-- travel stomach bug). It was terrible! Diarrhea and throw up non stop for 4 days!. to top it off, right as she was feeling better, she caught a nasty cold/cough/flemmy thing. .. poor thing. She cant get a break. This is the sickest she has been in a year. I feel bad for her. But that is what I get for changing her environment so abruptly and throwing her to the wolves! (I know I am exaggerating).

The other day, Eliana threw up on me on the metro! Yes, it was loads of fun. We were both covered head to toe in vomit and I had to turn around, and start all over again with showers, etc.  Never a dull moment with the Eli-Sonia Duo!.  All in all though, this has been one of the happiest month for us. I am finally feeling better and we are exploring and trying new things. Will post pictures once my iphone situation is settled.

I have a new obsession!:
http://ny.curbed.com/

I think Eli and I will be able to afford homes in Staten Island (YIKES-NEVER!)

Enjoy the link and see how the other half lives.

Til next time,

toodles....

Back in the Saddle

Hello All. I hope everyone is doing well.
We have been very busy here in Eliana and Sonia land, but I hope to update my blog and keep you up to speed more frequently.
Eliana and I are settling in to our new routine nicely (yeah right!). It's crazy business in our household, but we are taking it one day at a time.

Now that I have been off meds for over a month I feel 1000 times better. My energy is not 100 percent, but my spirit and mental health is 1000 times better. I have not had a depressive episode for quite a while and I am not as crazy as I used to be. (right, D,K, and J? haha). I am blessed and very lucky that I only need one more procedure and hopefully the scans in November will continue to provide me with good news. Hair is starting to grow back and it's thicker than ever (that's a good thing right?).

I started working full time and trying to get a handle of things. Before starting on my new employment, I was asked to be second chair on an FCPA case in front of Judge Leon. I know Judge Leon from my days as White House Fellows Finalist. We kept in contact because we clicked (he is a funny judge). Anywho, I am having fun and the case should last another few weeks. We are in recess for two weeks and I am on travel.

Eliana's modeling career is doing great. ha! I never thought I would be typing out those words. I will let you all know and of course paste the picture when the magazine comes out.

We will be globe trotting soon and I will write about the trials and challenges of traveling with a toddler. I can already tell you about all the fun times we have had in planes, trains, and automobiles..

I have to schedule a procedure soon, and will probably schedule it when we return from vacay and before the thanksgiving holiday. I also have to schedule another mammogram because of my irregular mammogram a few months ago.

Breast cancer awareness is in October and there are a ton of charity events to attend.. But let us not forget about the famine that is going on in Somalia.. If you have the time and the cost of a cup of coffee, please try to give. Giving is a good thing people!.

Til next time.
Promise to keep up the blog even when we are traveling.. the title may change to .. traveling adventures of Eliana and Sonia. :-)

Strolling along on a saturday

Eliana and I strolling on a cloudy Saturday.

The West Side

Is the best side. Hehe

Our New View

It's a crappy picture, but you get the idea.

Quote of the month

Have enough courage to trust love one more time. And always one more time. 

Maya Angelou

At the fair with Esther

On Sunday we went to a pumpkin farm/corn maze in the burbs. It was loads of fun and Eliana had a blast.

More pictures and entries later. We have been very very busy!

Eliana with NONA

My favorite picture of them

Eliana the music muse

As you may all know by now, Eli regularly goes to physical therapy and is a bit developmentally delayed in certain gross motor skills. The therapists and psychologists, however, believe that she is musically talented beyond her years.

Eliana the music muse

As you may all know by now, Eli regularly goes to physical therapy and is a bit developmentally delayed in certain gross motor skills. The therapists and psychologists, however, believe that she is musically talented beyond her years.

From Cancer Patient to Cancer Survivor

Almost a year has passed by since I was diagnosed with stage 2 renal cancer and what a difference a year makes.
I feel as if I have gone through a Kafka- like metamorphosis. The person I once was no longer exists and I am now someone completely different- older, wiser. I lost the innocence of living a care-free life. No one other a fellow cancer patient or survivor can understand.
Yesterday I heard what I thought I wanted to hear: "as of today, there appears to no longer be any cancer cells in your body." I thought I would be jumping for joy or even crying, but I didn't. I thanked my doctors and nurses and made my following appointment. I will forever be a cancer patient in one form or another. I still have two more procedures left, scans every three months, etc. But it is not the physical routine that will define me as a cancer patient, it's the psychological footprint this experience left me with.

I wanted to take this time to thank my cancer "team" as I fondly named them.

Thank you Sylvester Cancer Center in Miami, Florida. Doctors M, P, T, and and A; nurses A,S, G, and countless others who joked and cheered throughout this ordeal.
My WAshigton DC team: NIH, Georgetown Cancer center, Washington urology Surgeons, Doctors: S,T,B, and M. Nurses: D,A,S and E. Amazing surgeons amazing urologist.
Last, but not least: my friends and family. Without you I would be nothing. Thank yiu for all the prayers: My parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblins. Having a huge family is amazing! Never felt alone for a second. Love you. Thank you for holding my hair when I threw up after treatment, for spoon feeding me when I was too weak to feed myself, for holding my hand as my hair was buzzed, for getting me out of the house when I was too depressed, for cheering me up with makeup distractions or fashion talk.. For just being there when I needed you.
Thank you- parents, siblings, J: love you for being there for me and sticking by me and being my rock; D: for supporting me and being my friend; Y, K, K, N, and j for always making time for me and cheering me up when I was at my lowest. Will never ever forget it.
Thank you M, l, D, and T: for helping me with Eli and being so kind and flexible. One less thing for me to worry about. Tia A and A for all the prayers and vigils.
I am sure I will continue to reflect on this for hours, days, weeks, and months.
Until then- I am off to the beach. I

Interesting Afternoon

Today I went to hear Blake Mycoskie Speak about his TOM company and his new book "Something that Matters."
I found his talk to be so interesting. I am so impressed with young people engaged, interested in what is going on in the world, and actually doing something about it. So refreshing to meet people that are interested in more than just partying, drinking, and acting immature. In other words, I LOVED HIM.

I thought this excerpt of his book was wonderful:

SUCCESS

To laugh often and love much
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children

To earn the appreciation of honest critics
endure the betrayal of false friends

To appreciate beauty
To find the best in others
To leave the world a bit better
whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition

To know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived.

I found the above poem to be so inspirational. His talk was very inspiring.

Hope everyone is having a good week. Tomorrow I am going to to celebrate my friend's last cancer treatment and her cancer free diagnosis. I hope to be celebrating a cancer free diagnosis soon.. bring out the bubbly and a pair of louboutins!

Eliana's first hiking trip

Check out my ride!

NY BOUND!

Eli and are are NY bound. Sucks that it is pouring out and I have to drag our gear in the rain, but we are excited for our new adventure.

My partner in crime and I are ready for our new adventure. I hope to post pictures, but we may have to wait for a less rainy day.
I have been feeling ok- this past weekend I felt very very tired and I struggled to get out of bed. I had too much to do so I forced myself out of bed.
Doctors appointments next week. HUGE doctors appointment next week.. I find out if all is well or all is not so good.
Have a wonderful day everyone and come visit us soon!

keeping busy keeping sane

I promise I will post better and longer posts in the near future, but we have been very busy!
Birthday week was great. Can't complain one little bit.33 never looked so good
My brother and sister surprised me with a birthday dinner and cake. I had no idea so it was a sweet surprise.

My sweetheart surprised me with flowers, a beautiful gift and a yummy dinner. My bff- brother from another mother, Kel took me to a lovely lunch and we had a lovely time.

My dear friend Yona took me to a lovely brunch and we had mimosas and it was the perfect brunch before going to the doctor to get my scans/MRI. She is the best. I love her and I am so happy that she is in my life. xox.
I had a fantastic Interview with a dream job this week. It went well and I am a finalist. If it works out it will be the silver lining and an end of a very turbulent year.
I also reconnected with a dear friend from college, N. We were BFFs in college and this week we picked up where we left off.. So nice so sweet! She is thinking of moving back to the east coast! Whether it is NY or DC I am sure I will be seeing a lot of her.

We are busy packing and NYC next week. Nervous and excited.

Have a lovely day everyone!

Ps
No more medication for me. Out of my system! I am finally starting to feel like my old optimistic self again. Only one year of crazy and depression lol
I am full of love and optimism today. Not sure why, but I am happy for the first time in a long, long time.

Pictures from Eliana's Birthday

As promised, here are some pictures of Eli's Birthday party.
Enjoy!

I promised a few pictures

Happy 1st birthday to the best thing that has ever happened to me.. My princess Eliana. So lucky I didn't miss out on the opportunity of being a mom. So oh so grateful.

Eliana at the fair!

Over the weekend, Esther and I took Eliana to the Montgomery county State fair. Poor girl was hot and a little bit annoyed when I took this picture. Ha
Check out her hat!

Off Meds!... For now

So excited to report that on friday my doctor took me off my meds. The side effects were too severe and I don't really need them for the time being!
Yes! The side effects will linger for a few weeks, but I will soon feel more like myself. Thank goodness. Scans and MRIs are coming up and I am a nervous wreck. I am really hoping for some good news. :-)

We are packing and I continue to look for our new place. Everything is out of my price range, but I hope to find something soon. We hope to be moved by mid September.

Lots to update and hopefully I will have some time to write later tonight or tomorrow.

Update

Hello all!
Apologies for the dead silence. We were busy in Miami putting together Eliana's birthday bash. IT was a total success and loads of fun!. Will post some pictures very soon.

Health is better every day. So blessed to be feeling better and felt great during Eliana's birthday week. yay!. Eliana on the other hand was feeling sick and had a fever the week of her birthday and on her birthday celebration. :-( poor thing. Eliana also threw up on the plane on our trip back to Washington DC. IT was so traumatic for her (and me!).

Promise to post pictures and to update you all very soon.

ps.
Eliana and I are off to New York very soon. Lots to do.. trip to Miami for scans and doctors appointments in a few weeks as well. busy busy bee.

Lots of love everyone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIANA!

My little princess is 1! Running around getting things ready for her birthday!
Pics coming soon.

Finally enough hair for a bow!

But her curly hair is such a mess! Awe my almost toddler.. So sad to are the infant year fade away...

Update

Hello folks. Sorry for the silence. I will try to reply to all your emails and texts, but for now here is the round up:

1) the bleeding persists, but it is a lot less. Doctors are monitoring, but I feel fine
2) spend the weekend helping my sister move in to her new home. So excited we are so close.
3) was just accepted to an executive MBA program at Sloan. Very excited. Now waiting to see if I can get assistance so I can afford it.
4) we are very close to deciding whether we are moving.. Stay tuned for the news.
5) running around like crazy for final prep for eliana's birthday party this Saturday in miami! We are flying out tomorrow and staying through the weekend.

That is all for now.

Lots of bleeding

Tough few days. Not only am I running around getting everything ready for Eliana's birthday next week, but I am also dealing with lots of bleeding as a result of my kidney surgery.
This may be TMI, but then again this blog tells you a bit too much about my life anyway.
Yesterday I took my car to get a routine service. My friend Yona picked me up and we ran errands before meeting her friend to discuss some international development work. When I went to pick up my car I felt something trickle down my skirt! I had bled right through my clothes!
As if I have not a bad day already. I was so embarrassed, but more concerned that I may be hemorrhaging.
I called my nurse and she asked that I monitor the amount of bleeding and to go to the doctor first thing in the morning. I continued to bleed through the night and woke up in a puddle of blood this morning.

Today I spent all day at the doctors ( eliana had a series of appointments and i had to see my doctor). The doctor drew some blood and asked that I monitor the bleeding for two days.. I am having a mini hemorrhage. Fun times in Sonia's world. :-).. I am a walking reality tv show!
The doctor also changed my medication (thank god! The old meds were not working out.. My friend k told me that I was the exorcists- majorly bithchy).
Hoping that tomorrow is a better day. I have to remember that everyday is a blessing and we could die tomorrow and it could be all over. Even though I am frustrated and sick of all of this- I must count my blessings.

Troubling Day and Physical Therapy

I've had a few difficult days of feeling queazy, light headed, and rapid heart beatings. I called my nurse and she thinks it's the new medication so I will be switching to new meds hopefully by the end of the week.

My little one began physical therapy today. Poor little one has motor skills deficiencies and will need physical therapy to help her along. I will also need to take her to an orthopedic surgeon. Just when I thought I could begin to stop seeing doctors.

More doctors appointments this week and preparing for Eliana's birthday party next week.
Thank goodness for her.. I dont know what I would do without her.

Ended up being a busy weekend

But today, we went to see this amazing exhibit at the Smithsonian:

Manchester United vs Barcelona

I forgot all about this!. Eliana and I have tickets to the practice and the game tomorrow. I hope I well enough to attend. It's supposed to be very hot, so we will see about today.

Wish me luck with doctors appointments today.

Have a wonderful day and stay cool in the heat.

Update

Going to radiologist tomorrow to get an ultrasound after last week's procedure. So far, so good. Today, I am feeling really tired. prob a mix of Eliana being very fussy and my occasional spurts of fatigue.
I will let you know what the doctors say. Keep fingers crossed and hope that it's all working like it is supposed to!.

Hoping to hit the rooftop pool again, but I may be too tired to even do that.

No real plans for the weekend. I have had little energy to plan anything.

Awesome Song I heard Last night- Lyrics.

I know It's Over by Jeff Buckley.

Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head,
And as I climb into an empty bed,
Oh well, enough said,
I know it's over still I cling,
I don't know where else I can go,
Over.
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head,
See the sea wants to take me,
The knife wants to slit me,
Do you think you can help me,
Sad veiled bride please be happy,
Handsome groom give her room,
Loud loutish lover treat her kindly,
Though she needs you more than she loves you,
I know it's over - still I cling,
I don't know where else I can go - over; Over.
I know it's over and it never really began,
But in my heart it was so real,
And you even spoke to me and said,
"If you're so funny, then why are you on your own tonight?"
"And if you're so clever then why are you on your own tonight?"
"And if you're so very entertaining then why are you on your own tonight?"
"And if you're so very good looking, why do you sleep alone tonight?"
I know,
Because tonight is just like any other night,
That's why you're on your own tonight,
With your triumphs and your charms,
while they're in each other's arms,
It's so easy to laugh it's so easy to hate,
it takes strength to be gentle and kind,
over and over and over.
It's so easy to laugh it's so easy to hate,
It takes guts to be gentle and kind,
Over, over.
Love is natural and real,
But not for you my love,
Not tonight my love.
Love is natural and real,
But not for such as you and I my love,
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head,
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head,
Ohhh-ohh,
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head.

Sunsets on our rooftop pool.

Blessed to be well enough to enjoy them with her.

In Bed for the Next 24 Hours

I underwent a kidney cryoablation and doctor specifically told me that I am not allowed to exert any energy for 24-36 hours. I am stuck in bed for now and no walks or events for a few days. I am hoping I feel well enough for the Zoo on Sunday- a special event for Families of the Zoo.

Also, my mother is here this weekend taking care of me. Yay mom!.

Lots of reading to do while I am stuck in bed.

It's Hot-mageddon in DC

It is so HOT and HUMID in Washington DC this week that even I feel like I am going to melt.  Our excursions will have to be limited to pool and the mall. :-)
Tomorrow, I have a procedure scheduled and will have to be in bed most of the afternoon. I wont be missing anything since it will be like 105 degrees outside. Thank goodness or I would be very depressed.


Til then,
Stay cool everyone!

The Crying of Lot 49

My latest and greatest is The Crying of Lot 49 , by Thomas Pynchon.  I am halfway through the book and I am not sure what to make of it. I should have been done with the book by now, but Eliana and I have had a very busy week. :-)
Ive been feeling great!- no faint spells, headaches, or fatigue (WOOOOOHOOO). I have been feeling a little depressed, but I know how to manage those feelings much better now. Eliana and I met a friend for coffee in Dupont on Monday, went to the pool, went to swim class, met another friend for coffee on wednesday, and the list goes on. Over the weekend Eliana had a birthday party and we later went to the RFK DC Carnival.  Keeping busy is not difficult when there are so many fun things to do in DC. 
I have also been spending a lot of time with a new (old) friend whose mother died of Cancer not too long ago and who also had kids and can relate to having children and going through an illness. This person has been a great comfort and we have been spending time together or chatting a lot. Thank you, DT. 


I also want to thank my friends (old and new) who take a minute to check on me from time to time to see how I am doing. I could not have gone through this journey without you.


Back to the book!. I really enjoyed the prose and way the book is written, but I cant get my hand around the constant conspiracy theories.. I get what the author is trying to do, but man.. 
Thoughts?


Eliana and I are off to the National Mall for a picnic and playtime. 

The World of Wigs

Ok. I know it is hot as B@lls and the thought of wearing a wig or a hat in this heat is unthinkable.. but hey, a girl's gotta look good, right?
So I have learned the world of wigs and hats.. Call me a wig, weave, and hat expert!
When I am usually outside for long periods of time I usually sport a baseball cap and the head cap that you see on rappers.. you know what i am talking about.. gansta!
What have I learned you may ask? That not only bald people wear wigs! Normal women out there in the normal world and celebrities wear wigs ALL OF THE TIME.. and that wigs are EXPENSIVE (.
Thank god that insurance covers up to 2 wigs a year otherwise people who may really need them may never be able to afford them.
There are all different kinds of wigs. Synthetic wigs are exactly what it says- synthetic. Apparently, you need to take off the wig when you think of cooking or getting close to a stove or you risk chances of burning your hair. LOL. There is partially natural hair, natural hair pieces, and the diamond of wigs: 100 percent, lace front, weaved by hand, eurpoean or Indian hair.
If you are wondering, I own 3: one short wig, one medium length wig (both around my shade color) and one long length wig (darker Elvira ish color- I always wanted to have shiny black hair). I have learned that I need to be ultra tan for that wig to look good.  I'll con someone to take pictures of me (for your entertainment only) so you can see all three styles. Some people have seen me in one or the other or sans wig.. but it's all quite entertaining.

Apparently, I have learned that you can wash and style your wig just like you wash and style your own natural hair- except you only have to wash the wig maybe twice a week or once a week if you keep it really clean.

Now, here is the bible of the different kinds of wigs within the spectrum of synthetic, natural, and semi natural. I cut and pasted the explanation from wigs.com:

The cap is the base of the wig onto which hair is attached. Wigs are available with several different types of caps and the hair of the wig is then attached to the cap using various techniques. Each cap type has its own distinct advantages. On most wigs, hair is attached in "wefts." These are strings of hair doubled over and sewn closely together in long strands. This string is then machine sewn, hand sewn or hand tied horizontally onto the vertical lines of a wig cap. 

A standard cap is the most common and most affordable cap design. The layers of hair are machine-sewed onto the cap, which has a closed lace layer at the crown. The hair is pre-designed into a specific style and the crown is often lightly teased or crimped so you cannot see down through to the cap. This type of cap often gives the hair a natural lift at the crown for volume. 

A capless wig is very similar to the standard cap design. However, instead of the closed lace layer at the crown, it has vertical lace strips with open spaces between the wefts. The open-wefting in the crown, back, and sides allows for maximum ventilation. This makes the cap lighter weight and cooler than a standard cap. 

Monofilament caps are constructed using a thin, breathable nylon or polyester mesh material at the crown that gives the illusion of skin and assumes the wearer's natural scalp color by partially revealing the scalp below. Monofilament caps offer the most natural look as well as styling versatility because each hair is individually hand tied at the crown so the hair can be parted and brushed in any direction. The entire wig may be hand tied, or the wig may have a monofilament crown with wefted sides.


Crazy right? But boy the do look different..
Stay tuned.. 

Eliana roof top pool side

Spending my days resting recuperating and pool side with Elianita. Roof top pools rock

At the peace festival

Behind the Capitol at the peace festival waiting to hear the Dalai Lama. What a way to spend a Saturday morning!

Feeling Low about my Appearance- but found my Theme Song!

Thanks to my cousin, I have found my theme song!: I am Not My Hair!

Check it out!

http://youtu.be/R7rSv5NvAK8


I am not my hair!.. I am more than my exterior.. Woot woot.. Turn it up!

New Book

New book on my reading list:
J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey (Little, Brown) 1961. Spent quite a bit of time reading this bad boy in Miami during my hiatus. Anyone read it? Dont have much of an opinion yet, but stay tuned. Kids- let's discuss.

Update

Lots of updates, but here are a few:
Biopsy did not show a malignant tumor- yes! Meaning the disease has not spread. Will have to do another scan and biopsy in a few months.
In Miami lots of things happened but will write it up on another post later today. I am now resting and catching up with everything.
Getting ready for Eliana's first birthday party on August 12! I am making most things by hand and am excited to be kept busy.
I feel good this week and looking forward to continuing to feel good.

Sonia A. Zeledon

Miami bound

Wish me luck everyone. Tough week ahead!
Feeling great and not sick this week! Success.

The light of My Life and My Reason to Keep Going

Check out my little photogenic star!

On The Road- The Book

Sleepless nights, and days filled with doctors appointments and tests. I am thankful for my Mobile devices where I can read books while I wait.
I am reading "On The Road". This book thus far reminds me of someone dear to me whom I love very much. I wish I could tell this person to read this.

These are thoughts thus far and some from critics that I found online:



Split into four sections, each consecutive one involving a different road trip with more details and a shorter time-span, I found myself also becoming consecutively more involved as the book went on. The first section I found, unfortunately, tedious and little more than a listing of things he did and places he went. There was throughout, of course, the occasional poetic and insightful passage, but they were few and far between and not really worth the effort to find. The most unfortunate flaw of the novel is that it is actually quite uninteresting. It would have made an intriguing (and bearable) novella, but its length feels frustratingly unjustified.

"The text was less rebellious, and more restraint. It is not forward-looking, but nostalgic. Kerouac's memoirs are a sort of nostalgia for a disappearing era. And the characters, really, are hardly rebels. Instead they drift from place to place seeking excitement, only to find the same dull existence in each setting." In the second half of the book Sal begins to grow tired of the road, and of Dean, as he sees more and more of the same. Also, Sal often feels content to be a spectator rather than a participant, watching the antics of others from a safe distance. Truly, the men are misfits. In this way they were unique, disenfranchised maybe, but they were not rebelling against anything. Mostly they get drunk and try to get laid in a familiar fraternity style. The characters are lonely and insecure, not hipsters or nonconformists. Their journey is about a search for stability, not spontaneity. These are not criticisms of the novel, but merely observations, and are actually the elements that make story interesting.

I dont love the writing style, but it is an interesting read.
What do you think?

My Little Hazel Eyed Red-ish Curly Hair Cutey

My little Hazel eye, curly top brownish reddish hair pumpkin may be a Star!. Her picture is being submitted for Parents Magazine and Baby Gap. The photographer that I use for her shots submitter her pictures and I got an email to have her in a photo shoot!. I knew she was cute- but this is too much!.

A good end of a day where I needed to be at the doctors to receive IV and anti biotics.
One good news- my legs have never been skinnier. Heck, I have never been skinnier in my life.. I dont know if I like this look.

and I need to discuss about wigs. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the funny.

Update- Biopsy

I am scheduled for a biopsy this week for a potential growth doctors found in another part of my body. Potentially this damn thing may have spread to other parts of my body.. *great*. Nature is playing a dirty trick on me. :-)

With me luck. this is supposed to be a painful one.

The Love of a Mother

"The Love of a Mother". I never understood that sentence. But having a child now, I understand. I would feel the same if my child was adopted or my own. But the love of a child is a love like no other. No lover, no parent, no friend, nothing will compare the love you have for your child.

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."
Author: Agatha Christie

This has been the hardest year of my life. Some of my own doing and some is that mother nature is playing a nasty joke on me. Friends have disappeared, loves have faded, luckily some friends have stuck around and have been an enormous support. My family, of course, with the unconditional love that knows no boundaries. But what I feel overwhelmingly is the love for my child.

I cannot wait to adopt one or two more children once (and if) I get well. I have found so much joy in spending time with Eliana. The joy is immeasurable. Those that have chosen not to share in the moments with me and Eliana are losing a lot. We are not the losers, they are. Eliana is an amazing, extraordinary little girl that is slowly bringing me back to life. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with her.

Another Painful Night and my dear friend "Lolita"

Another painful day, another painful night. I went to the doctor on Friday and was told that my massive infection had spread to my bladder and kidney. I feel lightheaded, exhausted, fatigued and dizzy. I did not go to work and spent most of the day at the doctors office. The doctor put a catheter up my urethra and helped me release some of the bent up urine. It hurt so much, but felt so much relief at the same time.

I came home and attempted to go about my normal business. When I needed to urinate, it would remind me how raw and engorged my insides were and how much pain I was in. Needless to say, I did not sleep a wink last night from the pain inside of my body. I did, however, got my hands on the books I am reading and dove right into "Lolita" once again.

Chapter 1. “Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-li-ta. The tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap at three on the teeth: Lo-li-ta.”

A critic of "Lolita" Wrote: "The first thing he does is make us feel words in our bodies, and especially in the mouth and in the tongue, in that very sensuous way. So, that’s the first thing that his style does for us: it makes us align ourselves--in the way that some of you were talking about earlier--not just to identify our minds with the point of view of this particular person, this particular character, but actually to move your body, and to feel something bodily that he wants you to feel, to share that sensuous experience with him."

Amazing, right? An excerpt of the book:

She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Did she have a precursor? She did. Indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved one summer a certain initial girlchild in a princedom by the sea. Oh, when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs--the misinformed simple noble-winged seraphs--envied. Look at this tangle of thorns.

I love it. I am diving into this book with the little passion that is left in me. I need something to hold and grasp.. for now, it's just books.

Online Courses

So I am stuck indoors more than I would like since I scared my family half to death after my Thursday debacle. I also have a massive kidney infection so I have substantial lower back pain.
My friend Monica told me about these online courses that yale offers, so that gave me the idea of taking online courses to entertain, educate, and enlight myself. I am getting sick of browsing amazon to find interesting books.
I checked out the online class she is taking and it seems to interesting. They are currently reading Lolita,which I must say it's one of my favorite books bc of the way it's written. I am dusting off my copy of Lolita and will begin re-reading it this weekend.
My other friend also told me about the MIT online courses and I signed up for a Political Science course called: "THE POLITICS OF FINANCIAL GLOBAL RELATIONS" It seems like its something I must have taken in undergrad there, but I cant remember what I read in undergrad anyway. The readings seem very interesting. I am picking them up this weekend as my fun summer reading. Yes,that's what I said, my fun summer reading.
my first reading:
Rogoff, Kenneth. "International Institutions for Reducing Global Financial Instability." National Bureau of Economic Research Working Paper 7265 (July 1999).

I welcome anyone that wants to read them along with me to discuss. It would be nice to have someone other than myself to talk about these books.

DC Best City To Raise A Family

My Parents (Yes you guys!) keep on insisting that I should move back home to Miami and be with family through this whole ordeal. While it does sound tempting to move back home and be taken care of, I think that if I move back home it would be worse for me in the long run. For one, I would feel defeated, as if I am incapable of working, going through treatment, and taking care of a child. Second, there are no jobs back home where I could work and earn some money, and lastly, DC is such a great place to be around with a small child. I am not the only one who thinks that"
DC ranked #1 best city in the US to raise a family.

http://wtop.com/?nid=41&sid=2423610
I dont know what the future holds and I hope I do not get sicker and need to stop working and require full time help. I will cross that bridge when it happens (hopefully it will not!). In the meantime, I am doing ok and I enjoy going home to Miami once a month.. the best of both worlds!.

Esther is moving to DC and now we are all up here in the DC area... HINT HINT.

While I am sick and idle

For you guys that know me, you know I cant sit still. Not-for-a-second. I am sick with a cold, a sinus infection, and a massive kidney/bladder/everything inside of you infection. As you also saw from my last post, I am also suffering from depression and the I-fell-sorry-for-myself syndrome.
No more! I say to myself today. I cannot feel sorry for myself one minute longer. I should devour every book I can get my hands on and devote my energy to a multiple of things: 1) Eliana, 2)Eliana, 3) reading books, 4) online non profit work- my new and old charitable passions, 5) more reading 6) Eliana. :-)
For my reading, I have been reading some out-of-the beaten-path books that I wanted to share with you all:

Permanent Midnight by Jerry Stahl: As someone who’s never taken a single drug in her life, it’s pretty amazing how many junkie memoirs I’ve devoured. Maybe I have a junkie memoir problem? Jerry Stahl’s is one of the best, because he’s a writer first and foremost. Follow him as he goes from Hustler to writing scripts for Moonlighting, while death spiraling through a narcotic cautionary tale that will make your hair fall out. Added bonus: He was the head writer on the cult classic Alf, so next time you see a clip, remember that all that dialogue was written by a man strung out into near-psychosis. It makes so much more sense!

Prometheus Rising by Robert Anton Wilson: If that book cover isn’t enough to convince you to check this out, what is? Robert Anton Wilson (RAW to his fans and followers) was an icon of brain-altering philosophies, and his writing has lost zero of its power over time. The headline here is that Prometheus Rising is about meta-programming your own mind. The subheads are many. You’ll feel altered.

Raging Bull: My Story by Jake LaMotta: When Robert DeNiro read Raging Bull on the set of The Godfather Part II, it affected him so much he nagged Martin Scorsese for years before convincing him to adapt it to film. DeNiro’s assessment of it was dead-on: While the writing is simplistic, LaMotta’s raw humanity and violent intensity are unforgettable. You can get books galore on boxing technique, the business, the interference of organized crime, but LaMotta’s book is about the life and mind of a man who brawls like an animal for the entertainment of others.

The Singularity Is Near: When Humans Transcend Biology by Ray Kurzweil: Hm, this one is a little hard to blurb. Let’s say this: Kurzweil is the world’s most optimistic mad scientist. In this expansive book, he argues that humankind, with its massive advances in nanotechnology, genetics, robotics and more, is reaching a kind of maximum knowledge — a “singularity” — at which point we can merge our biology with our science to completely transform the human race. This isn’t blurbing well, is it?

Happy Reading! Fiction coming up soon. Chat with me about books if you want to chat.

Update

I missed my doctors appointments on Friday and now have to reschedule my second opinion. After the incident on Thursday, I have to start taking care of myself better. I spent the weekend sick and resting. I am having a hard time peeing, so I also think it's time to see the urologist again. I dont catch a break. I hope to reschedule my appointments this week and have some solid idea of what is to come in the next month or so.
For now, my surgery remains scheduled for July 1.
I need a vacation.. I shall dream of Bora Bora.

Emergency Room Madness-Part T wo

When I pull my head up and look around I find myself surrounded by sheer madness: Fire trucks, people all over the place, and DCFP busting the window of my Toyota Prius and asking if we are allright. I respond: "huh? Yeah, I am fine". I look back at Eliana and she is cheerfully talking to herself via her mirror placed directly in front of her carseat. I unluck the car and step out of the vehicle. "I must have passed out" I said. "How long were you out you think?" asks the Fireman? "I have no idea", I relied. I was a little dazed and confused and did not know what was going on.

Within a few minutes the ambulance pulled up and a lovely woman stepped out and asks if we are allright. "We found the mother and child locked in the car" said the fireman to the EMT woman. "How long were you out, ma'm" the EMT asks. "I am not sure, but not very long" I relied. IT was all so surreal. I was asked to follow the EMT lady and walk towards the ambulance. When the doors of the ambulance opens I step inside. Steam came out of the inside of the ambulance. "excuse the ambulance" said the EMT lady, "DC has not fixed the AC units in the ambulances. This ambulance has no AC." No AC? I think I am safer staying next to my car then stepping inside a non air conditioned ambulance!.

The EMT took basic vitals of me and Eliana. I had unusually low blood pressure and the EMT decided it was best that we be transported to the hospital. Eliana's vitals were perfect, thank goodness.

I asked the DCFP to please fetch Eliana's carseat and stroller and to please lock my car. "dont worry ma'm, we will take your car and park in the a garage. Call the Fire department and they will let you know where we have left the vehicle." "ok, thanks," I said. "I very much appreciate all you have done."

I step into the ambulance with Eliana and it feels like a furnace in there. I lay on the stretcher and put Eliana on my lap. "wow, it's hot in here", I say. "Yes, it's crazy hot in this ambulance" the EMT lady responds. Eliana truly enjoyed her ambulance ride- she was laughing and giggling the entire ride. She either liked the ride or all the instruments that the fireman was playing with.

We arrive at the hospital and I was escorted to a nurse's station where I was examined. I had unusually low blood pressure, was dehydrated and needed fluids and electrolytes. I guess I must have suffered some heat ehaustion or something similar. I was give an IV of something to elevate my blood pressure, electrolytes and some fluids. Eliana sat next to me on my lap playing with a stetoscope. We were there for 4 hours until the doctor felt that I was ok to head home.
My brother met us back at the house and he stayed the night with us to make sure that we were safe and I felt better. Due to my condition, the doctors wanted to make sure that my vitals were good and that I felt better before I was sent home.

Yes, I know. This was a close call. I scared my family half to death. Heck! I scared myself to death. i was very embarrassed by the whole ordeal and I am so grateful that it was nothing serious. This could have had a much more tragic ending. I know now to take it easy and to take it slow.

My brother and I spent most of the day today calling the Toyota dealership and ordering the window that needs replacing.

I hope I dont have another story like this to tell you all.

Moral of the story: dont overdo it!.

Emergency Room Madness-

Last night, I spent the evening in the emergency room. I would think it's a funny story, if it had not had happened to me. All is ok now, my poor car has a broken window and my family is a little shaken up by it all.. but we are allright. Here is what happened:

After a week and a half of being healthy, I woke up yesterday morning feeling like crap. I was sick again. My bones ache and I felt as if I was coming down with the flu. I was furious and upset.. How could I only have at most two weeks of health before catching something again. I am so careful and I try to stay out of crowded places and sick people. But I have to go to work and interact with people.

So the day begun.... Eliana also has a little bit of the sniffles, but that may be due to teething.

After changing, feeding, and playing with Eliana, we got in our car and went to run errands. I remembered that Eliana needed water for her bottles and I needed some toilettres. I was still so upset that I got sick that I spent about one hour with my mother complaining and crying because I never catch a break. My mother suggested that I take Theraflu daytime and head straight home to rest.

After running another errand, Eliana and I go to CVS and purchase water, theraflu, candy, chocolate, toilet paper and toothpaste. I load everything in the car, including Eliana and we head home.

I drop off my things from CVS and go meet my friend for lunch whom I had lunch plans with. I was feeling crappy and was upset- overall having a very bad day and I thought having lunch with a friend would cheer me up. We had a lovely lunch and Eliana behaved very well.

I forgot to mention that yesterday DC was having record high heats of 102 degrees and with humidity at almost 100.. it felt like a swamp. now back to the lunch.

We say goodbye to our friend and head back home. I tried to put Eliana down for a nap so I could rest, but she just wanted to play and be held. sometime in the middle of the afternoon she finally decides to take a nap and I start to unwind. I pick up her room and put toys away and other things and heat up water to brew some theraflu. I take my theraflu and lay next to Eliana while she naps.

My mom calls to ask how I am feeling and I tell her that I feel a little weak, tired, cranky, and overall blah. We chat about other things and my mother overhears Eliana complaining about something. Eliana is up! my mother says,.. We say goodbye, I hang up, and I pick up Eliana from her nap. Eliana seemed hungry so we head to the kitchen to make her a bottle.

I look for her formula.. where is the formula.. oh oh, I forgot we ran out of Similac and I only bought the water for her bottle. I cant believe I forgot the formula! Eliana needs formula for her nightly bottle.

Reluctantly, I pick up my keys, purse, eliana's diaper bag, and carseat and we head to the car. I have to make a run to cvs again to pick up formula.. no biggie right?

I get in the car and it feels like 120 degrees in there.. humid and hot. I strapped Eliana in her carseat, lock the doors, turned on the engine and began to drive. We didnt get very far. At the corner of 7th and E I began to feel dizzy so I pull over and park the car.

the next thing i remember was the Fire department breaking the window of my car...


to be continued....

Race For the Cure

Race for the Cure was a huge success. I walked with a group of strong women who have or are currently battling this ugly disease. I was exhausted towards the end, but so happy to have walked in solidarity with so many wonderful people.
Through this struggle, I have met and become friends with some amazing people who have given me so much!.

We must continue and fight on.

One second opinion down- one to go!.

UPDATE

Update:
My oncologist believes I am ready for surgery. This is great news.. it means: Surgery and then a few rounds of chemo plus treatment and I should slowly begin my recooperation. I cannot wait.
I met with the surgeon last week and he gave me lots of options with regards to surgery methods, etc. He also gave me the run down of possible complications, side effects etc. There are lots of possible complications so I will be having 2 second opinions. I am making appointments for second opinions now and hopefully will have a clearer view of what is to come soon.

As always, I am a nervous wreck, but keep chin up.

This week I feel great! I have not caught anything and am ready for the Race for the Cure Run this Saturday June 4th. If you are in the DC area, I encourage you to attend. What else do you have to do on a Saturday am at 8am?  Sleeping is for when you are dead!.. remember that!

Doctors Appointments Next Week

I am a nervous wreck. I have doctors appointments after doctors appointments and tests after tests next week and I am really hoping for good news.
Wish me luck!.

When Will I Stop Getting Sick

After a week of stomach flu and colds I had one week where I felt great. JUST ONE WEEK. Last week, I felt like death- fever, puffy eyes, disgusting. I still managed to go to work and get out of the house, but every movement was a struggle.
Whenever I feel too weak and sick I embody the spirit of both my grandmothers. My grandmother's were beasts.. hard working, high spirited, extreamly independent and forceful women. My grandmother died at 93 years old and that woman during her last few months of life was still cooking, cleaning, doing laudry, etc. She took care of my little brother in her 80s and everyday she had dinner prepared and the house picked up! How many women can you say that about? Noone was taking care of her! and she was diabetic, with heart problems, and apparently cancer (that we had no idea she had).



Anyway, I say what my grandmother Zoila used to say: "I will rest when I am dead"  Amen to that Grandma.

I just wish I had more than one week at a time where I feel good.. Here is hoping for a healthy week.

Susab B. K Race for the CURE

Join me on June 4th in Washington DC! If you are unable to walk, please donate. This is a very important cause. Breast Cancer is the leading cause of death among young women.
 please link below:

 http://globalrace.info-komen.org/site/TRC/GlobalRaceForTheCure/KomenGlobalRace?pg=peditor&fr_id=2024&px=9970253

Scroll down to search and just insert my name Sonia Zeledon.

Hope to see some of you out there!

Race For the Cure

Yes, I do not have Breast cancer, but the Susan Kome Race for the Cure has always been a great event that I used to make time to do every year, and am definitely getting involved this year.
I have joined Citygirlblog's team and I hope you can join our team. This is a great cause and I hope that if you cannot join, please give. Cancer is the leading cause of dealth of women under 40!.. This is very important and has impacted us in one form or another. :-)

http://globalrace.info-komen.org/site/TR/GlobalRaceForTheCure/GlobalRace?fr_id=2024&pg=entry

Eliana has a Blog

Yes, folks. Eliana is tired of watching me post to this blog and wants to post herself. She also wants the world to hear about what is going on from her perspective.  Let's welcome Eliana to the world of blogging.

A Friend Sent This Around

A friend sent this around about someone who died recently. It was his last blog post. I am warning you-- pull out some tissues.. it reminds us how short and fast life is.. and we should live to do what makes us happy.. at the end all we have is ourselves and our feelings:

The last post

Here it is. I'm dead, and this is my last post to my blog. In advance, I asked that once my body finally shut down from the punishments of my cancer, then my family and friends publish this prepared message I wrote—the first part of the process of turning this from an active website to an archive.

If you knew me at all in real life, you probably heard the news already from another source, but however you found out, consider this a confirmation: I was born on June 30, 1969 in Vancouver, Canada, and I died in Burnaby on May 3, 2011, age 41, of complications from stage 4 metastatic colorectal cancer. We all knew this was coming.

That includes my family and friends, and my parents Hilkka and Juergen Karl. My daughters Lauren, age 11, and Marina, who's 13, have known as much as we could tell them since I first found I had cancer. It's become part of their lives, alas.

Airdrie

Of course it includes my wife Airdrie (née Hislop). Both born in Metro Vancouver, we graduated from different high schools in 1986 and studied Biology at UBC, where we met in '88. At a summer job working as park naturalists that year, I flipped the canoe Air and I were paddling and we had to push it to shore.

We shared some classes, then lost touch. But a few years later, in 1994, I was still working on campus. Airdrie spotted my name and wrote me a letter—yes! paper!—and eventually (I was trying to be a full-time musician, so chaos was about) I wrote her back. From such seeds a garden blooms: it was March '94, and by August '95 we were married. I have never had second thoughts, because we have always been good together, through worse and bad and good and great.

However, I didn't think our time together would be so short: 23 years from our first meeting (at Kanaka Creek Regional Park, I'm pretty sure) until I died? Not enough. Not nearly enough.

What was at the end

I haven't gone to a better place, or a worse one. I haven't gone anyplace, becauseDerek doesn't exist anymore. As soon as my body stopped functioning, and the neurons in my brain ceased firing, I made a remarkable transformation: from a living organism to a corpse, like a flower or a mouse that didn't make it through a particularly frosty night. The evidence is clear that once I died, it was over.

So I was unafraid of death—of the moment itself—and of what came afterwards, which was (and is) nothing. As I did all along, I remained somewhat afraid of the process of dying, of increasing weakness and fatigue, of pain, of becoming less and less of myself as I got there. I was lucky that my mental faculties were mostly unaffected over the months and years before the end, and there was no sign of cancer in my brain—as far as I or anyone else knew.

As a kid, when I first learned enough subtraction, I figured out how old I would be in the momentous year 2000. The answer was 31, which seemed pretty old. Indeed, by the time I was 31 I was married and had two daughters, and I was working as a technical writer and web guy in the computer industry. Pretty grown up, I guess.

Yet there was much more to come. I had yet to start this blog, which recently turned 10 years old. I wasn't yet back playing drums with my band, nor was I a podcaster (since there was no podcasting, nor an iPod for that matter). In techie land, Google was fresh and new, Apple remained "beleaguered," Microsoft was large and in charge, and Facebook and Twitter were several years from existing at all. The Mars rovers Spirit andOpportunity were three years away from launch, while the Cassini-Huygens probe was not quite half-way to Saturn. The human genome hadn't quite been mapped yet.

The World Trade Center towers still stood in New York City. Jean Chrétien remained Prime Minister of Canada, Bill Clinton President of the U.S.A., and Tony Blair Prime Minister of the U.K.—while Saddam Hussein, Hosni Mubarak, Kim Jong-Il, Ben Ali, and Moammar Qaddafi held power in Iraq, Egypt, North Korea, Tunisia, and Libya.

In my family in 2000, my cousin wouldn't have a baby for another four years. My other cousin was early in her relationship with the man who is now her husband. Sonia, with whom my mother had been lifelong friends (ever since they were both nine), was still alive. So was my Oma, my father's mom, who was then 90 years old. Neither my wife nor I had ever needed long-term hospitalization—not yet. Neither of our children was out of diapers, let alone taking photographs, writing stories, riding bikes and horses, posting on Facebook, or outgrowing her mother's shoe size. We didn't have a dog.

And I didn't have cancer. I had no idea I would get it, certainly not in the next decade, or that it would kill me.

Missing out

Why do I mention all this stuff? Because I've come to realize that, at any time, I can lament what I will never know, yet still not regret what got me where I am. I could have died in 2000 (at an "old" 31) and been happy with my life: my amazing wife, my great kids, a fun job, and hobbies I enjoyed. But I would have missed out on a lot of things.

And many things will now happen without me. As I wrote this, I hardly knew what most of them could even be. What will the world be like as soon as 2021, or as late as 2060, when I would have been 91, the age my Oma reached? What new will we know? How will countries and people have changed? How will we communicate and move around? Whom will we admire, or despise?

What will my wife Air be doing? My daughters Marina and Lolo? What will they have studied, how will they spend their time and earn a living? Will my kids have children of their own? Grandchildren? Will there be parts of their lives I'd find hard to comprehend right now?

What to know, now that I'm dead

There can't be answers today. While I was still alive writing this, I was sad to know I'll miss these things—not because I won't be able to witness them, but because Air, Marina, and Lauren won't have me there to support their efforts.

It turns out that no one can imagine what's really coming in our lives. We can plan, and do what we enjoy, but we can't expect our plans to work out. Some of them might, while most probably won't. Inventions and ideas will appear, and events will occur, that we could never foresee. That's neither bad nor good, but it is real.

I think and hope that's what my daughters can take from my disease and death. And that my wonderful, amazing wife Airdrie can see too. Not that they could die any day, but that they should pursue what they enjoy, and what stimulates their minds, as much as possible—so they can be ready for opportunities, as well as not disappointed when things go sideways, as they inevitably do.

I've also been lucky. I've never had to wonder where my next meal will come from. I've never feared that a foreign army will come in the night with machetes or machine guns to kill or injure my family. I've never had to run for my life (something I could never do now anyway). Sadly, these are things some people have to do every day right now.

A wondrous place

The world, indeed the whole universe, is a beautiful, astonishing, wondrous place. There is always more to find out. I don't look back and regret anything, and I hope my family can find a way to do the same.

What is true is that I loved them. Lauren and Marina, as you mature and become yourselves over the years, know that I loved you and did my best to be a good father.

Airdrie, you were my best friend and my closest connection. I don't know what we'd have been like without each other, but I think the world would be a poorer place. I loved you deeply, I loved you, I loved you, I loved you.